Learning from Accidents

Learning from Accidents

Today I dropped my daughter.

That was probably more provoking than it should have been, but I’ve always liked provoking thought, so there it is. To those who were provoked by that, I recommend taking a breath and asking yourself why your emotional response was so strong.

For context, I had my daughter in a bouncer, and did not check that the handle attached to it was firmly attached to the bouncer. Upon picking it up, and walking a few steps, the bouncer detached from the handle, and tumbled to the floor. She was shocked, but not hurt, thankfully.

Accidents

Interestingly, one of the things the Pediatrician mentioned, when we went for Ava’s first check up, was that accidents and illness would happen. It was inevitable. So far, we have been very fortunate that Ava has not fallen ill, and up till today she has not suffered any accidents.

But that does make me think about how much we really control, and what our purpose is as a result. It should not be surprising that we cannot control all things, but it seems that man - myself very much included - has a tendency to want to have control. Instead of accepting what we know we have no power over, we rail against our lack of power, striving to find ways to claw back control; as if it was ours to begin with.

In reality, it does not take much thought to realize that we are unable to control most things outside of our own actions. And anyone who struggles with any sort of addiction or mental condition may even say they are unable to control their own actions; and may be correct in saying so.

So really, we are mostly powerless creatures, having agency only of our selves, influence over our particular sphere, and not much more.

In this view, accidents are inevitable; impossible to avoid or to prevent.

Learning from Accidents

So what can we do?

I think we can learn. Accidents may be inevitable, but that does not mean they should occur frequently. This is why we have vaccines, why we put railings on the edges of cliffs. We learn, and we work to make accidents less frequent however we can.

For me, this means I will now check the structural integrity of anything I can pick my daughter up in, before I try picking her up.

This is really just doing due diligence, but let’s be honest with ourselves; we rarely do, or get, what is due.

We can also learn to accept what we cannot control.

It is true that my daughter will eventually have a harder fall. Some day she will trip or slip, and will hit herself on something else, and I will likely be distraught that I could not prevent it.

I could dwell on this, and incessantly worry and check and build up a bubble of protection around her. Or I could accept it and move on. Both of these are extremes, and I am not advocating either, but we should understand the bounds of discussion before we can discuss it.

A healthy mix, I think, is to do what is realistic within my abilities and knowledge, and to be conscious not to dwell on any accidents beyond the learning they provide.

If I know she is allergic to nuts for example, I may take steps to eliminate nuts from our family’s diet, or to make a habit of asking whether there are nuts in any food. If I do not know though, I can do little to prevent every kind of allergy. Surely the first time we realize she is allergic will be traumatic, but we will have to learn from that and work to do better.

Does this solve every problem? No. I don’t think there is a universal solution for anything. To want one is to want to be God, and I think that is a dangerous - albeit widespread - desire.